i pooped my pants61759365
And here I am...61759522
"i had my best love but i didn't treasure her. When i lost her, i felt regretful. It is the most painful thing in this world. If God can give me another chance, i will say "i love you" to her. If there is a time limit I hope...it is 10 thousand years."61759527
There's been just so much shit lately. I can't keep up anymore and is taking a toll on me. I've become so numb it's almost like I really don't give a shit anymore as to what happens. Just let this shit unfold and let hell break loose. I have no one to talk to and my other half just doesn't understand. The cultural norms and values has not been easily understood by him, but that's ok. He's still learning....or not. Who the hell knows...I just wish this shit would go away and I wonder why is it that it's always my family? Puas yog peb npam lub neej taag lug es peb lub neej tam sim nuav txaj les zoo les nuav? Thaum twg kuv xaav txug ua kuv tu sab heev. 61759538
Its exhausting both mentally and physically....there's too much shit on one plate to eat and digest. Even if I pick at one thing at a thing at a time, I'd rather chuck the whole plate away and start anew.
On the plus side, I'm finally done with school! Thank God! Now I just got to find a place to start working...or move and work or something! If I do move, I wanna go to Cali. Im just so conflicted...lol. Some of my friends are moving out to either Salem, Eugene, or Bend, OR some time next year after theyre done with school. They really are trying to convince me to move. I've turned down their pleas and cries for me to go with them...I'd love to go too, but I know if I do, I might get into trouble...lots of trouble. Lol.
There's this person out there that I still love so deeply and I'm afraid that if I go there, I might not let them go for good. They've always been good to me, but things didn't work out. My heart still races and gets nervous when I think about them. And when I do think about them, its for days and my heart longs for them. It's a terrible thing to say when I've just celebrated six years with my other half, but I know they're the one that got away. Lol. Silly me...I really should let it go, but a love that deep is difficult to kill.
And bubby, I'm sorry I won't be seeing you in Cali if you go...I hope you understand. I really wanted to meet you finally after all these years. Lol...but I can't make it happen right now. Im so sorry, I love you. I hope I can make it up to you one day. :(
There's no use....ive decided to just say fuck it all...im gonna do me and make myself happy.61759573
We've talked about and fought about this move for the last week. We've said everything that we possibly could and then some. He sits there and still asks me, "why are you so here then?" Idk...because maybe I'm hoping you'll change your mind. But I know him better than that.
After we fought for 4 hours, he pretty much gave me an ultimatum. He'll be with me and let me go, but under one condition, i can go for a year and enjoy it but i have to come back and marry him. If i dont then we can't be together anymore.
Years and years ago, I said I would never marry. To this day, I still refuse to marry and have children. Someone extraordinary has to change my mind for that shit to happen. I was so bewildered that I almost lost my shit. How dare someone give me that kind of ultimatum? Am I a fucking dog going to the dog park and coming back? Hell. No. Im better off dead than to marry someone who only keeps broken promises and words.
I understand where all the hurt and confusion comes from, but right now, I gotta do me. I'm tired of living like this. He told me I've changed from who I was a year ago...and he's right.
I've given up on people and their worthless talk. My motto has always been, "If you want shit done, do it yourself." I'm gonna take myself out every summer from here on out to do things I've always wanted. I have no quarrels taking myself out and enjoying my me time.
This journey isn't about money or going off to finally be with someone. No, like I told you bub, I'm too selfish for that shit. I can make money anywhere and fall madly in love with anyone I choose to, its about living life. The experience and change...good or bad.
Life is to damn short to limit yourself and cut yourself short of experiences and awesome memories. I'm gonna live it...will you?
- sikop sikop61759582
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my saviour." - "Oceans" by Hillsong United61759612
This song has been speaking for some time now. It reminds me of my journey of the last year til now and into the near future. It reminds me of my faith that I had completely surrendered to God.
I had not been happy with where my life was heading and I was tired of it. I prayed for change and patience. I prayed for opportunities that would present itself and understanding from those who couldn't see His vision for me including myself.
My whole life, I had always listened to what people wanted for me so I would do it to make them happy, even if I had to sacrifice my happiness a bit. Finally, I had enough and at a confusing point in my life, I said to God, "If I do this, I know you'll see it through and if it doesn't work out, I'll know it's not part of your plans for me." I dropped out of college in pursuit to become a cosmetologist instead of a podiatrist.
I wanted to bring joy wherever I went and I wanted to make people feel better regardless of whomever it was that I touched. I also wanted to bring joy to my own life and just seeing someone else's joy is good enough for me.
Over the last year, opportunities and experiences presented themselves and I learned so much. I was happy and then there were days where I was feeling like absolute shit and questioned what I was doing. I kept pushing on and on keeping myself busy with studying and learning. I was doing very well and climbing to the top of my class.
Outside of school, my life was completely falling apart. I've never been so desperate to save my family and hide them from everyone. My relationship with my other half was becoming distant and financially strained with him just working to support us. Many times I thought about giving up this dream and helping my family and other half even though I knew that if I did, I wouldn't go back. I told my dad I would quit school and help with what I could and I could always go back. I only had 4 months left to graduate and he said to me, "Don't quit school! Koj tub yuav taag. Ca les kawm kuam tag es tsi txhob txhawj txug peb." I cried because he understood how much this meant to me even though they suffered so much already.
I felt like it was a test of my faith in God. I had, somewhere along the line, forgotten that with great joy comes deep sorrow and pain, but our God was always there planning everything out in His time. I just had to trust Him when that time came.
So now here I am again waiting for Him to reveal His plan to me as I faithfully and patiently wait through my heartache again. I told Him I would go wherever He decided to call me and He's been slowly but surely showing me. Its been crazy good and painful, but I know it'll all be worth it someday.
For now, it's one day and one battle at a time. As long as I hold fast to my faith and trust in the Lord, I'll survive and make it. He's never let me down.
You know that feeling when you love someone, but it's not you being in love with them? 61759616
It's like we're just bffs with kissing privileges...no sexy time for us anymore. We don't even sleep in the same room and we're okay with that. It's like maybe we should just end things while we're still smiling at each other and content. It's torture just looking at him knowing that we'll split eventually and we'll be okay with it. I dont even cry about it anymore. Damn. I just need to keep thinking and praying.
"Everyone thinks that we're perfect, please don't let them look through the curtains..."
i keep farting61759639
- Zohaib Ab
Buy twitter & Instagram followers just visit http://followersgain.co.uk/61759640
feeling a little like to someonebut also to someone61759658
Oh, who might that be?61759664
Hello to you. Everything that had happened, was no one's fault.You had your reasons and I understand.I've moved on and found my happiness. I've neverbeen as happy as I am right now. And I hope oneday you'll find yours. Don't put yourself down too much. 61759705
You're a different person from who she wants you to be. She cant put you in a mold you dont fit in. If she cant be happy with who you are, she wont be able to love you the way you deserve to be loved. You're a nice and humble guy. Maybe she just hasnt decided that she wants a nice guy. 61759706
My advice for anyone out there. Stay true to yourself because only you know yourself.
Haha, I don\'t rememberrrr61759715
"Do you ever wonder how many people have had a crush on you and never told you?"61759716
My friend once asked me if I see a future with my partner...I told her I saw my future, but I couldnt tell if I saw him with me or not. Its like a small short reel into the future, I saw someone...but I cant say for sure it was him. Everything that Ive seen up through now has happened to me....jobs, conversations, etc. Ive only had my aunt tell me this when they read my hand, "oh...puab nyam koj heev." I dont know what it means, but now that Im older...I resonates more only because I know Im at that age where I should be thinking about starting a family soon. *sigh* What do I do? Keep chasing my dreams or keep sacrificing myself for someone else\'s? 61759751